Masters of Love

Paul FennerLifestyle

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Have you ever felt like you were about ready to face off with a saber-toothed tiger while sitting next to your significant other trying to have a conversation?  If so, read on.

In this Atlantic article people are put into two couples camps; Master and Disasters.  Disasters have a sense of constantly being in fight-or-flight mode (go back to that saber-toothed tiger standoff).  Masters, on the other hand, felt calm and connected together, which translated into warm and affectionate behavior, even when they fought.

Masters create a climate of trust and intimacy that makes each other more emotionally and thus physically comfortable.  So how do you become a Master?

Psychologist John Gottman, who set up “The Love Lab” could predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether couples—straight or gay, rich or poor, childless or not—will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to the relationship. Do they bring kindness and generosity; or contempt, criticism, and hostility?

“There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in an interview, “which is this: they are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.”

Why I am addressing this topic in my financial blog?  Being involved with someone whether married or not is one of the biggest financial decisions you will ever make in your life.  And personally being married with four kids I know how big an impact having a stressful home life can have on the rest of your life.  It affects the way you think and how you make decisions.  There is actually something to the phrase, “happy spouse, happy life.”