Ep.137 - Dr. Joy Lere – Finding Harmony Between Emotions and Finance in Relationships

Most couples think they end up in a therapist's office to talk about sex and money.  But it's really deeper underlying issues couples are looking to hash out. 

Dr. Joy Lere, a licensed clinical psychologist and co-founder of Shaping Wealth, is a leading voice in the psychology of money and applied behavioral finance. 

In her practice, Joy has observed that individuals find it easier to disclose the details of their intimate encounters than to reveal the figures in their bank accounts.  Joy's expertise lies in unraveling the profound connection between money and self-esteem, understanding it as an emotional flashpoint for couples and parents. 

Key Takeaways 

  • Self-awareness is a Superpower - Learn to wield the power of understanding your own and your partner's money script to build a stronger financial future together. 

  • Financial Wellness is a Team Sport - Embrace financial discussions and check-ins with your partner as a path to closer bonding rather than a chore.  Hint: Check out temptation bundling to make this process more enjoyable! 

Joy discusses the complexities that arise when individuals in a relationship come from diverse financial backgrounds, acknowledging that such differences are frequently the seedbed for conflict.  Joy's insights shed light on people's silent struggles when discussing earnings, identifying money as a cornerstone of personal identity that people fiercely guard.  

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES YOU MAY LIKE

1 Big Idea to Think About

  • Navigating the intersection of psychology and finance can unlock transformative insights for relationships. Understanding the emotional roots of our financial behaviors and learning to co-author our financial narratives with our partners can lead to a more fulfilling and harmonious financial future.

1 Way You Can Apply This

  • Start by fostering self-awareness within your relationship regarding your individual money scripts and attitudes towards wealth. Then, engage in open and honest conversations with your partner about your financial goals, challenges, and values. Approach financial discussions as opportunities for growth and connection rather than sources of tension or conflict.

1 Question to Ask

  • How can we integrate self-awareness and collaborative storytelling into our approach to managing finances as a couple, and what specific strategies can we implement to strengthen our financial partnership?

Key Moments From the Show 

  • The Importance of Self-Awareness in a Relationship [00:04:21]

    • Joy Lere stresses self-awareness and the chance to co-write a couple’s narrative

    • The role of examining past experiences in shaping a new legacy for couples

  • Perceptions of Financial Conversations in Marriages [00:05:38]

    • Challenges couples face with financial discussions

    • Emotional intersections with financial management

    • Using tensation bundling for enjoyable financial check-ins

  • The Stigma Around Seeking Help [00:20:37]

    • Addressing the shame associated with financial errors

    • The fear of judgment from financial or emotional professionals

  • Normalization of Financial Struggles and Professional Help [00:22:43]

    • Comparing seeking financial advice to getting fitness training

    • Encouragement to treat financial and mental health help equally

  • Reflections on Relationship Progress [00:26:27]

    • Importance of shared financial goals

    • Avoiding unfair comparisons in financial success

  • Financial Responsibility and Parenting [00:30:56]

    • Societal pressure on parents to provide financially

    • Influence of social media on parents' aspirations

    • Teaching children about generosity, values, and money choices

  • Teaching Children about Emotional Resilience [00:32:03]

    • Helping children manage feelings of envy and discomfort

    • Benefits of teaching children to process complex emotions

Resources Featured in This Episode: 

Joy Lere 

Finding Joy 

Funded Contentment: Am I Going to Be Okay? 

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Ep.138 - Emotional Decision Making

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Ep.136 - How to Lose Time and Money